I can't believe this year is finally coming to an end. Is anyone else feeliing slightly in the Twilight Zone about this whole endeavor? When I look back over the last 12 months, it seems like I've lived entire lifetimes since January.

We started the year with a trip up to visit our best friends and be there for their daughter's baptism. Covid wasn't even really on the radar yet, we had heard about it but it was a China only ordeal at that point. Then we moved through the wildfires of Australia that devasted the country and lost a lot of the wildlife there. We thought that was the defining point of the year.

March came. Covid came with a ferocity we didn't expect or know how to manage. We all experienced some level of stay at home order or quarantine to try to save lives. Then Covid became political instead of a public health issue and everything went downhill from there. Masks became a freedom statement, and more lives lost. The U.S. leads the world in Covid related deaths because people have forgotten how to love one another. Conspiracy theories run rampant and take away from the real science and progess being made.

May brought on the biggest racial justice movement in as very long time. People finally saw the travesty our Black brothers and sisters have been dealing with for generations. Many are still dealing with these issues and we HAVE to fix that. This treatment should never have happened. There are many reparations to be made and we need to start making them as a country, as a people, as a human movement.

We went through summer like people in a haze. School hadn't even been in since March so gearing up for a new school year was rough to say the least. We came up with our family motto for the year - "Just stay alive - that would be enough" - thank you to Lin-Manuel Miranda for those inspiring words from Hamilton. Grades wouldn't be very important to us, the goal is to survive the year. Thankfully through virtual, hybrid and in person learning road bumps we have made it through the first semester.

In October we celebrated Rory's decision to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We were able to have less than 30 family members and close friends come and share that glorious day with her. It was a day of crazy funny stress but also so rewarding to see her take that step and be happy. Watching her start glowing as she walked towards her dad and then after getting confirmed by him as well just made my heart swell. She will never forget that day and the people we were able to share it with. I wish we could have had everyone come to celebrate but this year posed the health protocols, so maybe next year we can have a big bash to make up for it.

All 4 of us had our birthdays happen during a quarantine/stay at home order time. We are very lucky that we have such amazing family and friends that still made it special for us. Drop offs and video chats and singing videos made it better to be stuck together for so long. Andrew has been working from home since March and with no end in sight yet. So I've given up my office for him to be able to close a door to keep us loud girls out of his literal business while he works hahaha The girls have loved having him home all the time and all the extra perks of not having to wait for him to drive home. I've enjoyed having him here for the most part hahaha I think he would agree that it's awesome when it's been just the two of us here working together in the same space but it would also be fun to have our own spaces back hahaha

This year we have become closer as a family whether we wanted to or not hahaha I think this year has helped us see each other in different ways and helped us learn each other's strengths. We recently bought a new fire pit and have been trying to do one every weekend because it makes the kids so happy to just talk around the campfire and be outside watching the fire burn - and throwing all of their school papers we don't need right into it hahahaha Jade tells the funniest stories and Rory loves to dance around and tell us all about her aspirations. They are both dreamers like their mama and are mischievous like their dad.

We celebrated 10 years of marriage this December! Seems so long and yet so fast! We ate Panda for lunch to commemorate our poor newlywed stage, watched TV with the kids and then Andrew made a delicious pasta dinner for us while we watched Terminator: Dark Fate because we both wanted something mndless and unimportant to watch hahaha Normally it's Ratatouille we watch but this year we were both exhausted already so mindless violence won hahaha Happy as ever to be married to Andrew. As cliche as it may sound he really is my person. He's the one I count on and the one I know counts on me. I'm grateful that I found him and that we got over our initial teenage impressions of each other to form this amazing life we have.

This year has been trying for my faith. My faith in humanity. My faith in my church organization. My faith in many institutions I thought were correct and true. In my over 30 years of life I have not felt this heavy, disappointed, vulnerable, or misunderstood as I have this year. My faith in my Heavenly Parents and Christ is unshakable. I know They love me and are there for me whenever I need Them to be. I find peace in temple attendance and teaching/learning with others. But my trust has been broken with the contention and anger that I both feel and have been a recipient of in regards to many things this year. It's hard to "be one in Christ" when those around you call you names or say you must be this terrible thing just because you have different political beliefs than they do. Differences make the world go round, yes, but there is a trust that comes with gathering together that has been breached for me. It's going to take time and processing to build that trust up again and to heal from the many hurts/wrongs that have been thrust upon me for my beliefs/opinions.

I get strength from my Heavenly Mother as I wrestle with feelings of inequality and dismissal. I get love and understanding from Her as I wonder how on earth to teach my girls how to not be afraid of their own strengths. That they don't need to be meek always, when we've been told that is the goal of the "perfect angel mother". They can be  strong, independent women and still be just as important and just as valued. I, for one, would rather be a warrior mother than an angel one. (another time another post!) I find love from my Father as I teach my girls how to love their spouses. Andrew and I are a team and no one does more than the other. Our divine roles are separate from supposed gender roles. We team teach, team gift, team give joy, team discipline, TEAMWORK. In my Elder Brother I find someone to sit in the dark with me. I know He's there because He's felt what I feel, He's experienced the betrayal, doubt, and anger I feel inside. I feel love instead of solutions. I feel acceptance rather than awkwardness. I know I'm not alone and that He's with me through it all.

I've made so many friends through the internet this year. I've also become closer with online friends I already had. It's been a weird year to say the least but I can honestly say that without my core group of online and IRL friends this year would have been even harder for me. While we can't gather in person yet, I still feel such a connection with these amazing people - people can be so good. Even when it seems like everyone is on differing sides, people can be very good. Here's hoping 2021 can include a much deserved Disneyland trip for us all and a meet up with my amazing online tribe :)

2020 has been a rough year. We can all agree on that. 2021 is hopefully the beginning of beautiful things to come and changes being made that should have always been. The light is there at the end of the tunnel, and what a crappy awful tunnel this has been. So with the good and the bad, goodbye 2020 - I won't miss you.

Last I wrote on here, I was looking forward to things slowing down a bit and getting ready for school to start, well, school did start but it did not start off well for us in our personal lives.

My grandpa passed away on July 16th and his funeral was the 24th (the second day of school). I talked some on my Instagram about this whole experience but I haven't written it down anywhere yet. So please bare with me as I get a bit raw and real here.

My Papa was my first best friend. As the only granddaughter I had many privileges hahaha I was allowed to not only touch his beloved baseball cards, I was even able to suck on them as a baby.

We ate ice cream for breakfast, I would go with him to his Institute classes and help him teach the students or just participate in them. (they lived across a driveway from the institute building in Santa Monica) He was the one I always asked gospel questions, he knew so many things about the scriptures and church history that I never got bored lsitening to him talk or teach about it. He was also a general history junkie and he and I would have lots of talks about all kinds of places and times - WW2 was both a time of passionate research for us. We even got to stand by the treaty that eneded the war on the USS Missouri!

He had the best laugh. Loud and booming, he could always find a joke. I remember countless hours of playing Cray 8's or Go Fish and just laughing our heads off. When we would visit them on summer vacations he and my grandma would sit us down to make a plan for the entirety of our stay so we could make sure to get all the things done we wanted to while we were there. The Santa Monica Pier, Tito's Tacos (a couple times lezzbe honest), Olvera Street, movies, Institute, and Venice Beach were always on the list.

He was always fair. He loved everyone and everyone knew it. It was a genuine love and concern for everyone he met. His generosity of both spiritual and temporal means is something to aspire to. He was the most Christlike person I know.

He went into the hospital for the final time on the 4th of July. He'd only been back home after being in a physical rehab center for a month when he slipped out of his bed. It just started a chain reaction of things and when I got the call to come quickly so I could say goodbye I sadly wasn't surprised. It's like I knew this was coming but it didn't hurt any less. I immediately started sobbing in Target while I ushered my kids back into the car. I drove them to a friend's house because I did NOT want them to see Papa like he was at the end.

I walked into the room and my heart stopped. I felt such conflicting emotions of peace, love, sorrow and guilt. Guilt that I hadn't spent even more time with him and that I hadn't brought my children to say goodbye (even though I KNOW he wouldn't have wanted that either). Sorrow because I knew this was the end of his life here on earth and I miss him every day. Love for this giant of a man that helped shape me and who loved my family so entirely - he even loved Andrew before I did hahaha. Peace from knowing he'd want to be home with his Savior instead of here on a machine. The Spirit was so strong and I was able to hold his hand, speak to him and kiss him goodbye. I kissed him for the girls and told him to watch over us especially as the girls get older - they'll need their Papa to keep them safe.

As we then celebrated his life the following week, it was wonderful to see all of the family and friends that were able to come. Some of these cousins I had never met or it had been years since seeing each other. We all joked that Papa would have hated it hahaha he's be tucked into a quiet corner somewhere avoiding everyone and all the noise - which is completely true. The sadness comes and goes. I know hes happier and with his mom, dad, best friend Jack and all the others that have gone before him but gosh darn it I miss him so much. I know he's watching over me, I've felt his presence throughout the weeks since he's been gone.

When he passed I knew I wanted something to help us remember and grieve - so I asked my sweet friend Nichelle to make us a necklace with his favorite hymn (If You Could Hie to Kolob") and then on the back we had his handwriting ;) It was the most perfect thing we needed!

I'm going to get a bit spiritual here, you've been warned. I am so grateful to KNOW I will see my Papa again! While it doesn't diminish my temporal sadness here and now, I know it helps me to know he'll be waiting for me with open arms when it's my turn to go home. I'm grateful for a Savior that knows my pain and anguish. He knows my conflicted soul and helps to soothe it. I'm grateful for a family that comes together and strengthens each other - I could not have made it through without my husband and kids. Papa is the first of my grandparents to pass, so in that I know I've been extremely lucky to have had him for 30 years teaching and loving me.

I love you Papa, Save a seat for me <3

So I recently redid my hair!! I added a little purple to the mix and my amazing hair girl (Shea Madison Salon in Queen Creek)  mixed it into my teal so perfectly it's amzing and I will never go back to brown! Ok I probably will at some point, cuz money, but the point is: I love this so much it just makes me so happy!
 
So I asked my friend Morgan to take some pictures for us again (last year's pictures here) so my hair still looked good and so I can print them out for our walls! Behold our gloriousness hahaha

 We took them at the Riparian Reserve in Mesa AZ and I love them!
The cactus were gorgeous that day and even though it was super windy (like seriously.....it was gusty) they turned out amazingly well and  Morgan is just so good at getting my kids to be comfortable.

​Oh 2018 what a crazy year you've been already! I mean, really! My kids went back to school and the next week had another day off! That's insane to me!

​Jade started Sunbeams this year after being in nursery at church! For those that don't know, in the LDS church children move into Primary (the Sunday School for children ages 3-12) after they turn 3. Jade loves being in Primary with her big sister most specifically. Rory takes her to class every week now and has her sit next to her if she's feeling a bit overwhelmed. She's literally the best big sister for Jade. Rory is in CTR 5 this year too and I can't believe it! She's halfway done with kindergarten and almost a 1st grader WHAT?! They're getting so big.

After typing that I realize I'm going to be getting these a lot: "When are you gonna try for that boy?!" or "Jade really needs a little sibling doesn't she!" or "You're not done having kids are you!? You only have two!"
 
​**insert eye roll and a forced smile here**

​I'll be blunt: I don't like these questions/statements.

I'll usually laugh or scoff it off but honestly, I think it's a little inappropriate to ask those questions to ANYONE. These are sensitive questions that are only for husbands and wives and our Heavenly Parents to ask each other. Only our Heavenly Parents know how many children are supposed to come to us, They will give us the signs/info/promptings necessary to have more kids.

I used to ask people those questions especially when they didn't have any kids yet. I now know that it's very insensitive to do that. Who knows what their journey has been! Maybe they are trying and you asking that just puts another hole in their heart after yet another negative test. Or even the couple that doesn't want children! Guess what? It's not a requirement in life to have children. And if they have made that decision then it's between them and our Heavenly Parents. I'm not saying we, personally, will never have another child BUT for the foreseeable future, no.

​My reasons are truly my own BUT I will share them in hopes that it may help someone else who is also feeling this way to know they're not alone.

​I could not handle another child mentally right now. My anxiety is too close of a friend still. I'm still in the trenches of small child rearing. It is the hardest and most draining work I've ever done and I worked at Disneyland for a year guys. THAT was hard but this is so much harder. And to add to my already overwhelmed state would not be good for my kids.

​I love having two girls. I love that we can take one on one time with them pretty easily. I can take one with me to the grocery store and have some fun talks while the other stays with Andrew and has quality time with him.  That time is very important to me because I want them to know we are always there.

Financially we could have another and be fine but diapers.....guys I'm so close to being done with diapers! Jade will be potty training soon and I'd like to rid myself of the smell of them and the cost of them. Because even generic diapers still cost money. A bit selfish? Maybe, but still true.

​There are other reasons as well but these came to mind first and some reasons are just too personal to share. I know as an LDS (Mormon) woman there seems to be pressure to have a ton of kids.

I have come to finally understand that your family, and it's size, is a very personal choice. It can't be one dictated by culture or guilt/pressure. And I know most people do not mean harm in asking those questions. I know that. Most people are just sincerely wondering about you and how you're doing and they mean it well. They are genuinely curious or wanting more babies to spoil ;) Which is very sweet BUT I still feel that these questions are just too personal to ask.

​And so to answer the above questions:
NO.

There are no more kids in our forseeable future. I am honestly perfectly happy with the two I have. I'm not saying never because only God knows when/if more kids are up there for us. I feel like these two are the only ones for me and Andrew and for now. They are more than enough ;)

I swear 2017 just flew by! SO here's our year in review! (I love doing these so I can see how far we've come in a year!)
 
January

The girls got their new-to-them bunkbeds and they have LOVED sleeping in them ever since! I talked more in depth about my PPD/PPA and how it's changed/developed in the last 2 years.
 
February

I tried to get a handle on our house and the clutter which helped my mental health so much! And we made our master bedroom a little more homey. I still need to fill those empty spots haha

March

I was given a Canon T3i from my brother and so I just started taking pictures of everything hahaha My Canon Rebel had died and I was in mourning and he took pity on me especially since he never used the camera anyways hahaha I also became a Dating Divas affiliate
 
April

This was a big month for us since Aunt Haley got married!! It was a fun and crazy day with quite a good story to go with it. We love Jason and the girls have taken to him. We also got some family pictures taken before the wedding so that I had some of the girls in their adorable dresses we bought for the wedding. Rory had a farm field trip for preschool and Jade got to join too! Yes that's Jade milking a cow hahaha she loved it!
 
 May

Alyx came to visit and she "forced me" into doing a boudoir session with her while she was here
and it was incredible and a HUGE self esteem booster for me! I attended my first LDS Blogger event which was amazing and funI enjoyed a nice simple Mother's Day and Rory finished her first (and only) year of preschool. I shed many tears realizing she would be off to kindergarten soon
but I had to wait an entire 2 months until then hahaha
 
June

Andrew and Rory each celebrated a birthday, Andrew (28) and Rory (5) and we went to Costco for Andrew's and then took Rory school supply shopping for hers. I took a leap and dyed my hair teal. This was something I have always wanted to do but it took some serious self-esteem boosting to actually DO IT. It also helps when your best friend is a complete enabler  and has a wonderful husband that flies you out for a girls weekend! Thankfully Alyx was willing to destroy an extra shirt for the teal hair cause! Plus who doesn't love freezing in Pacifica CA when it's over 100* back in AZ?! 
 
July

We took a trip to South Carolina to visit Andrew's uncle (whom we affectionately call "Unkie") and aunt and the girls had a blast! We went over 4th of July so we did a HUGE display of fireworks in their front yard and thanks to their quick thinking of ear protection the girls weren't freaked out by it. And the biggest thing that happened was Rory starting school!! This has been a game changer for us because Rory and I enjoy our time together but we flourish with time apart. Plus she loves school and her teacher and she's just blossoming.
 
August

We threw my mom an epic Harry Potter Birthday Party for her 50th! I found the most amazing salon in Queen Creek where I was able to get my hair to be the shade I was dreaming of! Jade turned 3 and we took her to Build a Bear and had her binki put inside the unicorn she picked! It was a rough transition for about 2 nights and then she was over it thank goodness.
 
September

We took our big family Disneyland trip! It was such a fun time and we loved it all! We especially loved seeing the Bowlers cuz it had been years since Andrew and I had seen my aunt and uncle and 2 of their kids. (They had 2 more kids since the last time we saw them hahaha) I also discovered this amazing store in Gilbert called Rod Works and I fell in love with that clock and the measuring conversions chart and HAD to buy them for my kitchen gallery wall! I mean they fit perfectly don't they?!
 
October

October was FULL! Alyx came to visit again and this time, she brought the whole family! We realized that she and I have travelled to visit each other BUT our families had never actually met in person! So the guys had a blast with the kiddos while Alyx and I handled some photography sessions (I was assisting, NOT taking!!). We had a fantastic time playing with all the kids and  we can't wait til we can do another fun trip altogether! I talked about the positive part of social media and the amazing friends I have found. I celebrated my 29th birthday (Golden Birthday even!) and we hosted Halloween again and the women folk stayed to hand out candy while the amazing, wonderful, dedicated, lovely fathers took the children around the neighborhood!
 
November

I'm one of those that puts up Christmas as soon as Halloween is over. It's just who I am. The girls love it though and the magic of the whole season starts. My mom and I were able to go to Time Out for Women in Phoenix. I was part of the volunteer staff at the event  and it's an experience I'm not likely to forget. I put a video up here for you that describes my experience  as I told it on Instagram Stories (which, if you don't already follow me you really should hahaha  more things happen on IG than here on the blog!) It was a very spiritual and fun thing to do and I hope I can do it again this coming year! Rory had her Primary program right before Thanksgiving, and we had Pie Night (which is a Wilson family tradition the Saturday before Thanksgiving, to have as much pie as you want so you don't feel jipped on actual Thanksgiving when you're too full from the other awesome food). Andrew and I were able to go do sealings at the Mesa Temple after Thanksgiving  AND I had my first paid photography sessions, WHAT! I made Andrew pose for me a bit so I could get my settings right, he's so handsome! 
 
December

Guys I just realized I never blogged about our latest Disneyland trip! WHAT?!?!?!?! Who even am I now? Don't worry, it is now fixed!!
 
We had so much fun but I will admit that the weather was a real downer when we went. It was randomly super nasty humid, we were all sweaty before we even got on the tram people!

​BUT it was a lot of fun hanging out with our little family, my family and even part of my extended Bowler family!

One super highlight of the trip was Rory deciding she wanted to do Jedi Training! I was one super proud mama!! When they initially said who was gonna fight whom, she was in the line to fight The Seventh Sister (from Star Wars Rebels) but halfway through the lines, Darth Vader came down so she got to fight the ultimate Sith Lord! When she saw him walking down her eyes got so big! But she went up to him and fought him so well! I definitely teared up a bunch cuz yeah, I'm THAT Star Wars mom hahaha

​Immediately after that, Jade begged me for a lightsaber like her sisters, so she and I went and built her a lightsaber that lights up and makes noise! Yeah, I only a little regret anything hahaha

​We were exhausted by about 7 each night so we would go home a little early but get to bed and get to decompress a little.

​Food highlights:
CAFE ORLEANS will probably always be my favorite hahaha can't beat that Monte Cristo sammich friends. The Grey Stuff from Red Rose Taverne is ALLLL of the heart eye emojis! Redd's Apple Freeze in DCA is amazing! (honestly, I love the regular frozen apple juice too, but holy cow!)

This trip was one for the books and we loved it so much!! I'm already planning the next trip whenever we can go again haha Jade wants to do Jedi Training now too and Rory's begging to do it again so that's a definite must for any kid that likes Star Wars! Rory'd been begging to go back on Big Thunder Railroad which is now her favorite ride just like her Daddy.

So who's up for sponsoring another trip for me?? ;)

I don't know if y'all remember that I'm a huge Disney fan? Slipped your mind did it?? Hahaha of course you didn't forget!
 
Well I had the amazing opportunity to see the newest Pirates movie (and all its bonus features) before it released! I had my own little Pirates party while my two girls were at school (Mommy LOVES Tuesdays and Thursdays)

Now I am a HUGE fan of the original Pirates movie. As in "Curse of the Black Pearl". And I'll be honest, I didn't really like the other 2 afterwards. So my hopes were kinda low for this one and I was pleasantly surprised! This one had humor, suspense, a good plot, a good "twist" if you will and it wrapped everything in a nice pretty bow at the end which I LOVE! 

Look at how fun these little trinkets were that I was sent?! The girls were so excited to play with the jewels and the telescope is a huge favorite. Plus that Pirates Booty is a HUGE favorite in our house, my grandpa always keeps a bowl or two at his house of it for the kids so they affectionately call it "Papacorn"!

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales comes out TODAY! Be sure to grab the blu ray with Digital Copy so you can watch it on the go anywhere! Such a great way to end the movie franchise and now I'm ready to go back to Disneyland and ride Pirates over and over while I eat my favorite taffy!

You guys, it's September! Finally!!!
 
This means it's one month closer to my birthday! And hopefully some cooler temps PLEASE!
 
I wanted to share what we did for Jade's birthday this year and just kinda what we've been up to!

We took her to Build A Bear to give up her binki for a new "buddy" (aka stuffed animal, we call them buddies in our house) And she picked a UNICORN! Yeah I know, she's from My Little Pony but my kids don't watch the show so she just knew unicorn! Also, *I* want to go back and get this one ahhhh! (ok and I probably NEED this don't I?!)

After Build A Bear we HAD to stop at the Disney Store or what kind of mother would I be?! They were super sweet to Jade and even to Rory about her birthday! They gave a Rory an UNbirthday button and a bag full of goodies for both of them.

After the Disney Store we took them to Famous Dave's BBQ just like we did for Rory's 3rd birthday! Sadly they don't do the giant ice cream sundaes anymore for birthdays BUT she got to sit by her Daddy and Grandpa (2 of her most favorite people) and Daddy shared all of his corn with her which made her so happy.

And guys she's done GREAT with letting her binki go! She cried for a couple nights then when she realized we weren't giving in nor could we get it back (it's INSIDE the unicorn) she relaxed and is fine now hahaha

We're getting into a better school routine and now Rory is wanting to do everything herself. And I let her do most things but making her sandwich is still MY job cuz I don't trust a 5 year old with a knife yet.

I recently got some new juice boxes from Apple & Eve to try with the girls and they LOVED them! I'm a member of Influenster and we received these samples for free which is always amazing and the kids just loved the flavors!

I've been adding more to my "office/craft room/MY room" gallery wall!
 
Unicorn Chalkboard/Lightbox/LED Mickey Ears/4 square prints/large print/square print
/calendar (similar) 
 
I've been LOVING putting things up on the wall finally! I have more I'm wanting to display but I need more frames and I gotta wait for the "redecoration funds" to come haha

And just in case you thought I wasn't busy enough, here's what my desk looks like pretty much all the time!
 
And this weekend we're headed "home" to Disneyland and guys I can't WAIT!!!
 
How have you guys been?? What are your big plans for Fall!?

I can't believe Jade is 3! Not to be too cliche, but dang that went fast (and yet so slow!)

She went from being our squishy girl, (those CHEEKS!) to this lean and sturdy little tank! I need to get her into tumbling soon as possible cuz I foresee a gymnastics career in her potential future.

She's fearless. And I mean fearless. Rory was at first but then learned caution, Jade throws it to the wind hahaha

She's spunky. There's a fire inside of her and I pray she never loses it, although I wouldn't mind if she tamed it just a bit when talking to ME, but overall I want her to keep it ;) 

She loves fiercely but also enjoys her space. Rory being in school has helped her grow so much already. She can do more independent play and learn more instead of being told what to do all the time hahaha She's already thriving in preschool too thanks to her amazing teacher and her patience level!

She's my little snugglebug when she wants to be. Everything is done in HER time frame which drives me NUTS! She and I are trying to work on it together but apparently she's like her daddy in that way haha

We love our Jadey Loo Who! Rory loves you so much and misses you a lot at school. Daddy and I think you're the cutest thing and we can't wait to see what's in store for you sweetie!
 
Love Mom <3

This weekend we had a big party for my mom!
 
She turned the big 5-0 and asked for a Harry Potter party! Guys, you all know how much we love Disney around these parts, but you may not know that we're big Harry Potter fans too! My mom is one of the biggest ;)
 
SO it started as me, my dad and brothers doing most of the planning, but my mom is a party planner. Like she LOVES this stuff and since it was HER party, she asked if she could help too, and with our powers combined we made it EPIC!